What I thought about: The Push by Ashley Audrain

book review, Uncategorized

⭐️ 5/5 stunning!

The push is heart wrenching, when I was only half way through I could already feel the pain in my chest, the tears welling in my eyes and an intense feeling of dread. This story is so raw and so honest. It explores motherhood and the relationships between mother and child and also how this can affect other relationships. To have your deepest fears actualised in the form of broken, damaged relationships and isolation, when with the ones that you should have the closest bond. To be a family often is synonymous of being a unit that will always be a team but this is shattered and the devastating story explores this so well.

Although at present I do not have children myself, I can imagine that to be a mother is a huge change and will be challenging in many ways. It is difficult to adjust and to have the responsibility for this new life and they look to you for love and support, what if this doesn’t happen though?, what if you feel they hate you?, or don’t want you, what if you can’t connect and you feel like you are going insane and no one can see this or will help you.

This book was a whole journey for me. The book explores 4 generations of women in Blythe’s family. Her grandmother (Etta),her mum (Cecilia),Blythe and her daughter Violet. Although the focus is on these women, it delves into relationships outside of this but also gives us insight into the life of these women and the heartache and battles that they have been through and why their actions may be a reflection of their treatment. Also how their experiences have been similar & how they have handled certain things that have happened to them.

This book is not a light read and I found it quite intense and quite difficult in parts where it can be quite graphic and does not hold back but I also liked that about the book, I felt immersed in this story and intrigued to keep reading. The book explores growing into womanhood and then motherhood. It also looks at relationships and how they can be toxic and damaging and how people can be gaslighted. I would agree with people who say this is not a psychological thriller in some ways, yes it’s fast paced and there are twists and it’s exciting but I feel like it’s much deeper and really trying to explore in more depth the fears and struggles that women face in life. Society norms of growing up happy, beauty, growing into a woman, getting married, having a baby etc.

This book gave me chills, it is a stunning book that is gripping and hard to put down, definitely a book I would re-read and that’s saying something. I would recommend this book if you are okay with darker, more unnerving reads however I definitely need something a bit lighter as my next read. But oh wow! Was it amazing! Breathtaking.

What I thought about: Fake Accounts by Lauren Oyler

book review, Uncategorized

Published feb 2021

⭐️ 3/5

I had lots of conflicting thoughts while reading this book.

Where is this going?

I love it!

am I actually enjoying it?

At least it’s well written,

not…exactly what I was expecting.

But all in all it was a thought provoking book but it’s not a book that i feel I’d pick up again. Or maybe that’s why I should.

I didn’t feel the same need to read this book as I have with other books but it was one that I thought about often. It was a different genre than I think I’d normally choose. I was intrigued by how the book would move forward and how it might end but really I can’t say I ‘enjoyed’ reading it very much but it definitely is appealing. I think it’s written well and an in depth look at society and how social media and the ability to easily communicate with each other and easily access information has had a negative impact on society and individual mental health and self- view. Also how social media can make relationships difficult or maybe breed deceit as everyone wants to be someone else to the outside world.

The book begins on the eve of Donald Trumps inauguration, the nameless narrator is at home with her boyfriend (Felix) but things haven’t been quite right between them and she suspects there is something causing Felix to be different. The narrator stumbles on an Instagram account and discovers her boyfriend is an anonymous online conspiracy theorist. The narrator decides to flee from New York to Berlin after having no desire to stay any longer and pursues a life there, having fond memories of her previous trip. The narrator begins her own deceptions and manipulations via a string of OKcupid dates and meet-ups with new friends/ employers.

I wouldn’t say I disliked the book but I did find myself at times struggling to get through it. The book is written like a stream of consciousness which often was difficult to keep track of. I liked the concept of the book and the commentary it was making on today’s society and the impact of social media. There was a lot of focus on dating and the deception she was creating and a more personal look at her thoughts and feelings as opposed to a wider view of how the world has changed.

The writing is dry and witty which I enjoyed but I didn’t think the narrator was very likeable, what kept me going was the few twists that were weaved in. I felt like the ending of the book was a bit disappointing which surprised me that I felt that way, as I didn’t really know what I was expecting

I’d give the book 3/5 rating. I enjoyed the concept and there were parts where I did laugh out loud but unpopular opinion: it wasn’t really the book for me.

Normal People by Sally Rooney

book review, Uncategorized

4.5 ⭐️

Okay so let’s talk about normal people, I know it’s been discussed by so many before me and is a million copy bestseller but for some reason I had been putting it off for so long. I watched the tv adaption on BBC which I did enjoy, I loved Paul Mescal and Daisy Edgar-Jones as Connell and Marianne and for some reason felt I didn’t need to read the book as the tv programme had been good enough for me but I was wrong…which I don’t / won’t often admit, much to others annoyance.

I usually won’t read a book after I have watched the film or tv adaption and now I’m thinking I have been missing out. Don’t get me wrong, the tv adaption was done very well and in keeping with the book but the book delves deeper into the thoughts of Connell and Marianne, we understand the thoughts behind their words and actions and the small details of their personality and coping mechanisms which aren’t easily translated to other media.

My expectations for this book were well, not really existent. I hadn’t planned on reading normal people despite all the good things I had heard, I guess I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it already knowing the story line but I was pleasantly surprised. By having a better understanding of the characters I found I liked them more, I understood some of their difficulties or who they were as a person at the root of it all and it made them less frustrating and oftentimes more heartbreaking.

I relate to Connell’s persistent need to please and conform to societal expectations but I also liked that he was kind, thoughtful and really cared about Marianne although he didn’t always go about things the right way, he was always willing to do anything for her, especially as he got further away from school life back home unlike any other person in her life. I found myself wanting to be more like Marianne in some aspects for example, the freeing feeling of not caring what others think or say about me, a need for knowledge and being opinionated. However they both have their flaws but that is what makes them ‘normal’. Throughout the story they both want to be accepted in many ways, to be loved and to be happy however this was never easy for them and they seem to overcomplicate and overanalyse their relationship and that mixed with poor communication and misunderstanding was a recipe for disaster. The on and off again nature of a relationship is common in the rom-com genre however I found it particularly frustrating in this book. Both Marianne and Connell had feelings for each other from beginning to end and on a number of occasions they used the L word to describe their feelings. They were happy together but through poor communication on both parts it meant that they were both questioning what the other person meant by what they said causing them to break up and make up over and over.

I found myself waiting for moments between Connell and Marianne as they were often sweet, intimate and honest although they didn’t always end well for either of them you could tell that they really cared for each other and truly felt themselves when they could be together.

The ending of the book gave us hope for Connell in the future and maybe hope that something will stay between them both however with the track record over the years, I wouldn’t get my hopes up. I was happy for Connell and how far he has come with the difficulties he had faced over the years and was finally going to do something he really wanted and although he still felt guilty (which he shouldn’t) but is common throughout, there was a positive future ahead for him.

Marianne had strained relationships which was highlighted from the start. Her family relationships were cold, abusive and distant and at school she was bullied for the way she looked and for being different. She had better relationships with with her female friends at university however these were sometime not always healthy and there were a few unhealthy relationships or ‘situations’ with Jamie and Lukas and other men treating her badly, being controlling and violent leaving her feeling used and vacant. I found it discussed these issues although not in depth I felt like it approached them quite well and made the reader think about it and look at it differently as we already cared about Marianne and it was difficult to see her open up to being treated badly as that’s what she felt she deserved which is not true under any circumstance.

I always look for the best in people which is maybe why I liked the characters, to other people they may be annoying and uninteresting but I felt they had good parts and bad parts which they knew of both sides and still cared about each other a lot. Although at times they did frustrate me overall they were a lot more likeable than their ‘friends’ at least.

I would recommend this book however it does have some difficult themes such as depression, bullying, abusive family, violence and suicide I found it was written in a way to not be too heavy but if these are triggers then I would not recommend normal people but I enjoyed the story, the writing, the characters and I enjoyed the commentary the book made on class and society expectations but what I’ll hold onto is the lasting feeling of the book and would give it 4.5 stars!

There is so much I could say about this book and is one that I would probably come back to. Let me know your thoughts on Normal People or any other similar books.

Perfect, Rachel Joyce a review

book review, Uncategorized

Rating: 3 out of 5.

My friend bought Perfect by Rachel Joyce for me for my birthday after I read The Music Shop last year.

Synopsis: Perfect is about two boys who learn that an extra two seconds is going to be added to balance clock time with the movement of the earth. James Lowe is Byron Hemming’s best friend and the cleverest boy at school, James is the one who tells Byron about the extra two seconds and Byron becomes obsessed, waiting for them to be added. One day Byron’s mother makes a mistake but no one notices except for Byron. This is where his perfect world comes crashing down. If the two seconds hadn’t been added would it still have happened? this leads Byron into a spiral. James tries to help his friend Byron save his mother by setting up ‘operation perfect’. The book is set in 1972 and modern day and moves between the two times following the events of the summer 1972 and how it effects events in the future. In modern day we follow the life of Jim who has been in and out of a mental institute until it’s eventual closure. Jim currently works in a café and is suffering from severe OCD and lives a very solitary life.

There is a twist in this story which when you realise, everything falls into place. I liked the use of the twist as it had me guessing throughout.

I enjoyed the story and the mystery of the two seconds however there were parts of the book that felt slow or were repetitive. Particularly parts with Byron’s father, however I think that is to emphasise his obsessive nature and his relationship with his son and wife as controlling and not very personal. I liked that the story jumped between 1972 and modern day and the characters in each setting were likeable. If the story all took place in 1972 I found it would have been difficult to read. I found the movement between times kept me interested otherwise it was quite intense being stuck in one time.

The character of Beverley I found was well written and I was able to imagine her well and the type of person she was. I thought she added a much needed interesting personality to help bring the other characters out and move the story on. The book revolved around Byron’s mother Diana and we find out about her life and feelings through interactions with Beverley mostly as, although Beverley can be quite blunt, fiery and rude, Beverley was Diana’s closest friend. Diana is a ghost of who she once was and Beverley is trying to figure out who she is and bring that person out of her. I liked the character if Jim and really felt for him too wanting him to be able to communicate and build up a relationship with people. I thought he was well written and bought an interesting dimension to the story.

I thought this story was good and I enjoyed the concept of the story but I sometimes felt like it was slow and it was missing something. I liked the underlying message about time and the concept of time. How everyone follows the clock. waking up, going to work, having lunch, going to bed, is time just a concept that we are all following as that’s just what we know? and the idea of not living by the time and doing what you feel like doing when you want.

I’d give this book 3/5 still enjoyed the book but I struggled to get into the story although it was good once I pushed through

xxx